Clever Facebook Status Quotes

  1. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
  2. Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
  3. A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.
  4. I’m wondering why logging onto Face book has become part of the everyday routine? Do I really have nothing better to do!
  5. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning.
  6. The only way the world is going to end in 2012 is if Facebook is taken off the Internet!
  7. My life isn’t perfect but it does have perfect moments.
  8. Peter reminds you to not play stupid with me! I’m better at it.
  9. Happiness is having something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
  10. Have you ever noticed that “lol” looks like a drowning man? I don’t think he was laughing out loud.
  11. Thinks that Santa Claus has the right idea to only visit people once a year.
  12. I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re all right now.
  13. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
  14. Sometimes I wish life had subtitles (and in a big font)!
  15. I’m cle’a[ m’y’ ke]yb36oa;rd.
  16. Claire is disturbed by abominable quadrupeds.
  17. Sara couldn’t myself have better it said.
  18. Neal is nealing the neally neal with the help of his close neal.
  19. Liz is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  20. James is going to borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to be paid back.
  21. Who says I’m not in shape? Round’s a shape, isn’t it?
  22. I thought I wanted a long career, turns out I just wanted cash money.
  23. Josh thinks that if your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”.
  24. What seems like the right thing to do could also be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.
  25. Sonia has found love in facebook. She is from Bangladesh and “vhan day vill reesh amehica”.
  26. I like kids, but I don’t think I could eat a whole one.
  27. Being miserable is a habit. Being happy is a habit. The choice is yours.
  28. Sandy really wishes she could but, My panty hose sprung a leak.
  29. Jessie took the “Are you spending too much time on Facebook” quiz and the result is “No – You should spend much more time”. Jessie shot the computer.
  30. Sean is going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
  31. I could do this thing good and I could go home with a happy feeling that I’ve changed the world –
  32. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
  33. Is reminding you that you can’t force fate, you just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that wont take because your skin is too oily.
  34. A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.
  35. A grand adventure is about to being.
  36. Ian just found out that they took the word “gullible” out of the dictionary!
  37. Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and Go To Work.
  38. Jack will update his Facebook status for money!
  39. Sometimes the only way to protect the people you love is staying away from them.
  40. My job is definitely secure. No one else wants it.

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