Funny Christmas Quotes

  1. Christmas is the “Disneyfication” of Christianity. ~Don Cupitt
  2. Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home. ~Carol Nelson
  3. Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts. ~Janice Maeditere
  4. There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ~Erma Bombeck
  5. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde
  6. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~Bernard Manning
  7. Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip. ~Gary Allan
  8. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~Shirley Temple
  9. People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. ~Ogden Nash
  10. Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~Phyllis Diller
  11. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays. ~Henry Youngman
  12. Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts. ~Anonymous
  13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film. ~Unknown
  14. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! ~Charles Dickens
  15. Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind. ~Mary Ellen Chase
  16. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~Bernard Manning
  17. Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet. ~Anonymous
  18. I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month. ~Harlan Miller
  19. Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven. ~W. C. Fields
  20. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. ~Victor Borge
  21. From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. ~Katharine Whitehorn
  22. Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age. ~Carrie Latet
  23. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~Johnny Carson
  24. There has been only one Christmas — the rest are anniversaries. ~W. J. Cameron
  25. Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~Frank McKinney Hubbard
  26. Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. ~Anonymous
  27. Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts. ~Max Lucado
  28. One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney
  29. A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~Garrison Keillor
  30. If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, wouldn’t it be a Merry Christmas? ~Don Meredith
  31. I can understand people simply fleeing the mountainous effort Christmas has become… but there are always a few saving graces and finally they make up for all the bother and distress. ~May Sarton
  32. Christmas makes everything twice as sad. ~Doug Coupland
  33. No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. ~Robert Kirby
  34. There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas. ~Robert Lynd
  35. Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts. ~Lenora Mattingly Weber
  36. The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. ~John Andrew Holmes
  37. Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money. ~Author Unknown
  38. The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect! ~Charles N. Barnard
  39. Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money. ~Author Unknown
  40. Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time. ~Doug Coupland

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