How to Stay Happy After a Fight with Your Lover
When it comes to relationships and love, there is one thing you can’t avoid if you’re with your loved one for some time: disagreements. It is just human nature that we have different views on some things, which can lead to arguments and fights sometimes.
But here’s the good news for you: Fights can lead to happy endings. If handled right, your arguments with your lover can even bring you closer together and expand your love for each other at the end.
Here are some tips to help you handle arguments easily and have a happy ending…
How NOT to Handle Fights with Your Loved One?
1. Criticism: Attacking your partner’s personality or character; “I’m right, you’re wrong”, “you always…” “you never…”, “you’re the type of person who …”, “why are you so …”
2. Contempt: Attacking your partner’s sense of self through insults/name calling, hostile humor, sarcasm, mockery, and body language/tone of voice (sneering, eye-rolling)
3. Defensiveness: Seeing yourself as a victim and averting a perceived attack by making excuses or whining
4. Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the relationship (physically or emotionally) to avoid conflict. Conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness
7 Easy Tips to Handle an Argument Perfectly
Using the helpful tips below, you are guaranteed to have a peaceful ending to the argument, and even notice your intimacy and love has grown because of it.
1. Make specific complaints and requests (when X happened, I felt Y, I want Z)
2. Listen well. Pay attention to the core emotions your partner is expressing and listen to what your partner really wants/needs.
3. Validate your partner. Show empathy. Let him/her know that you understand what he/she is saying and feeling.
4. Show appreciation and be positive. It takes 5 positive interactions to compensate for one negative interaction! Stack up on the positives.
5. Take responsibility. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” & “What can I do about it?”.
6. Re-write your inner script. Replace thoughts of righteous indignation or innocent victimization with thoughts of appreciation that are soothing & validating.
7. Practice letting go. Allow your partner’s fighting words to be what they really are: just words and thoughts. Let go of the stories that you are making up.
And the best part of fighting? Making up, of course.