Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times. Rita Rudner
The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. Honore de Balzac
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. NickFaldo
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced “mirage”. Herbert Spencer
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. Albert Einstein
Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. Samuel Johnson
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed. Hoshang N. Akhtar
True love stories never have endings. Richard Bach
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me. Winston Churchill
Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. Joseph Barth
No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. Mark Twain
When you get married you forget about kissing other women. Pat Boone
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. Cass Daley
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. Katharine Hepburn
A good marriage is one that allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. Pearl S. Buck
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. Georg C. Lichtenberg
Love and marriage, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Dad was told by mother. You can’t have one without the other. Sammy Cahn
I hate work. That’s why I got married. Peg Bundy
Before marriage a man yearns for a woman. Afterward the “y” is silent. A. Clarke
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.
A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn’t want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.