Witty Quotes

  1. His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall
  2. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
  3. He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
  4. A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
  5. If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.
  6. She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
  7. God does not play dice with the universe.
  8. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  9. Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
  10. He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
  11. Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
  12. Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?
  13. Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
  14. The thief of bad gags.
  15. I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
  16. He’s proof that there’s life after death.
  17. The only genius with an IQ of 60.
  18. He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
  19. She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them.
  20. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

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