- His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall
- There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.
- A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck.
- If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.
- She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy.
- God does not play dice with the universe.
- If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
- He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker.
- Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
- Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?
- Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese
- The thief of bad gags.
- I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
- He’s proof that there’s life after death.
- The only genius with an IQ of 60.
- He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund.
- She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
