Funny love quotes

  1. In my hands is this heart. I want you to have it, because I’m so clumsy, so I’m afraid I’ll lose it or easily give it to someone else.
  2. A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. (Brendan Francis)
  3. Try to love while you live. Nothing better was found.
  4. When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. ~ Anonymous
  5. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. ~George Carlin
  6. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one. ~Mae West
  7. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx
  8. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred. ~Unknown
  9. A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  10. Love is the gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everyone else. ~George Bernard Shaw
  11. All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. ~Shelley Winters
  12. I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. ~Dudley Moore
  13. The only people who make love all the time are liars. ~Louis Jordan
  14. It is impossible to love and be wise. ~Francis Bacon
  15. The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her. ~Marcelene Cox
  16. If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? ~Bette Midler
  17. Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. ~Gracie Allen
  18. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~Steve Martin
  19. Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. ~Fulton J. Sheen
  20. Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it. ~Josh Billings
  21. When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you. And she never did. ~James Fineous McBride
  22. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. ~Cher
  23. No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along. ~Joyce Brothers
  24. You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. ~Anonymous
  25. True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. ~La Rochefoucauld
  26. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~Agatha Christie
  27. Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman. ~Oscar Wilde
  28. The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” ~Anonymous
  29. Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. ~Cathy Carlyle
  30. Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely. ~Basta
  31. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~Joan Crawford
  32. Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger
  33. Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. ~Joan Rivers
  34. Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. ~W. Somerset Maugham
  35. I love you like a nerd loves math.
  36. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
  37. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. ~Melanie Clark
  38. Forget love…I’d rather fall in chocolate.
  39. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. ~Samuel Johnson
  40. Your heart is on the left, But it’s always right.
  41. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. ~David Bissonette
  42. I’m gonna put some super glue on my hands so I can hold on to you forever.
  43. It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them. ~Agatha Christie
  44. If you love me, let me know. If not, please gently let me go.
  45. I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
  46. Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime.
  47. Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
  48. I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
  49. Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.
  50. Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
  51. He who loves 50 people has 50 woes; he who loves no one has no woes.
  52. Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.
  53. Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.
  54. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. – 50 Cent
  55. 3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!
  56. I love you takes 3 seconds to say, 3 hours to explain, and a lifetime to prove. – Rev Run
  57. True love is like a pair of socks: you gotta have two and they’ve gotta match. – Erich Fromm
  58. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
  59. Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood. – Oscar Wilde
  60. Boys are like stars, there are millions of them out there, but only one can make your dreams come true.
  61. What happens when he’s your Prince Charming, but you’re not his Cinderella?
  62. What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things.
  63. You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr. Seuss
  64. Love is like a rumor. Everybody talks about it but nobody really knows.
  65. You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines.
  66. I told him I loved him and the feeling was mutal. He loved himself too.
  67. He might be right in front of you, just take a good look around once in a while.
  68. I’ll be your best kept secret and favorite mistake.
  69. It’s not my fault I fell for you you tripped me.
  70. See the problem with relationships is that they turn into a game. In the beginning they’ll do anything to have you and once they do, it just ain’t the same.
  71. When I said I’d like a hug, I meant I needed one.
  72. If it isn`t complicated, he probably isn`t the one.
  73. When you tell me nothing’s the matter, I can see in your eyes that means nothing’s going right.
  74. I was nauseous and tingly all over….I was either in love or I had smallpox.
  75. Let’s play house – I’ll be the single girl on her own, and you can be the young lawyer next door who needs a cup of sugar.
  76. Once I let someone borrow something and they returned it broken I W0ULDN`T HAVE MiNDED iF iT HADN`T BEEN MY HEART.
  77. You can love anyone you want. The problem is, so can he.
  78. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.
  79. They keep saying the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.
  80. Tell me who you love and I will tell you who you are.
  81. They’re funny things, Accidents. You never have them ’til you’re having them.
  82. Why is it that we ignore the ones who love us, and love the ones who ignore us?
  83. For every girl without a guy. There’s a guy without a girl.

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