Is it Love or Obsession?
So you’ve found someone and things are heating up. In fact, you’re starting to worry that you might be getting too fixated on your paramour. You felt an instant attraction, rushed into a relationship, and now feel constantly anxious and jealous. Is what you feel love or obsession? Read on to find out the difference.
Like an addiction, an obsessive person can become instantly hooked on another person. They may latch onto another person as soon as they meet them. Once they’ve found their object of obsession, they will rush into the relationship, without stopping to think whether or not they are compatible with the other person. An obsessive person may simply fixate on the physical appearance of their chosen partner, without paying any attention to their personality. They may put that person up on a pedestal or endow them with godlike, unreal qualities. This is the phase during which obsessive, controlling behavior begins.
During the second phase of an obsession, a commitment has usually been agreed upon by the two people involved. But some obsessed people enter this phase even without a commitment. They lull themselves into an illusion of intimacy, regardless of what the other person feels.
The obsessed person will begin to have delusions that their partner is cheating, even though there is no factual basis for them to do so. They will begin to demand that their partners share their daily schedule with them. They will call constantly to check up on their partner. They will monitor their emails or suddenly show up at their partner’s office. Obsessive people are afraid of abandonment. Again, this will not have any factual basis, but they will always be afraid that their partner will leave them for someone else.
By this point the relationship begins to become unhealthy. It will become the sole focus of the obsessed person. Fortunately, this is also the period where the object of the obsession will be alerted to their partner’s obsession. They will feel controlled, thus causing them to draw back from the obsessed person. This will lead to the breakup of the relationship.
The obsessed person will have tunnel vision about their partner. They will not be able to stop thinking about them and they will devote all their attention to their partner. They will call their partner continually, wherever they happen to be. They will start driving by their partner’s home or office just to check up on them. They will barrage their partners with allegations of cheating. They may even try to implant a physical or electronic monitoring device on their partner, so that they can keep track of them at all times.
They will start to guilt trip their partner and to demand more of their attention.
During the final phase of an obsessive relationship, the obsessed partner will feel constantly depressed. They will also feel angry, and if their partner has broken up with them, they will be out to get revenge. They will blame themselves and also hate themselves. However, even if the relationship has ended, they will deny this. They may start using drugs, or indulging in alcohol, food or sex to make the pain go away.
If you are in a relationship and your partner has exhibited some of the above behavior, get out of the relationship as fast as you can. It’s not love. It’s obsession.